


Spaces Between Us

by madamteatime



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-22
Updated: 2012-06-22
Packaged: 2017-11-27 02:59:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamteatime/pseuds/madamteatime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The evolution of Dong Bang Shin Ki</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spaces Between Us

Yunho smokes more when he's stressed, and he's got a lot to be stressed about lately. He's out on the balcony in sweatpants and a t-shirt and it's freezing, but he doesn't seem to care. Changmin glances at him from time to time over his laptop, waiting for him to come back in. An hour passes and Yunho smokes his way through most of his packet and shows no indication of stopping. Changmin sighs.  
  
The balcony door slides open and Changmin steps into the cold midnight air. The lights of the city twinkle back at him as he throws a blanket around Yunho's shoulders and leans on the railing beside him.  
  
"You're going to catch a cold," he says. Yunho doesn't say anything, but he puts out his cigarette - Changmin always complains about the second-hand smoke. Shadows play across the soft contours of his face and cold light reflects off his eyes. He looks tired and careworn, the strong slope of his back bent under the weight of scandal. Changmin wants to reach out and smooth it back into straightness.  
  
"Is this it, do you think? The end?" Yunho asks eventually.  
  
"Do you want it to be?" Changmin says. Yunho closes his eyes briefly.  
  
"No. There's still so much I want to do, so much I have to give. . ."  
  
"Then it's not over. We'll just have to figure out how to make a new beginning."  
  
Yunho glances at him for the first time, licking his dry lips and wrapping the blanket closer around himself. Changmin knows his words are empty comfort, but he also knows it's a comfort that Yunho appreciates regardless. They're not very good at talking to each other about the important things - both of them have always gone to other people with their problems, but now there's nobody else left to go to, and Changmin can deal with that but he knows Yunho can't. Hasn't been. He needs the comfort of empty promises right now, but it's a tall order. Changmin doesn't make any promises he doesn't intend to keep.  
  
"You won't leave me, will you Changminnie?" Yunho says hesitantly. Changmin is a little hurt that he even has to ask, but he understands where the question comes from. He has never given Yunho any reason to doubt him, but the scars other people have left have given Yunho reason to doubt him. He gives Yunho a wry smile and nudges his shoulder.  
  
"Bit late for that, isn't it? If I was going to ditch you you'd think I'd have done it by now," Changmin says. Yunho continues to look unconvinced - in fact, Changmin's words only serve to make his frown deepen. Changmin's expression softens. "I'm not going to leave you," he says simply.  
  
"Prove it," Yunho says, so softly that Changmin almost doesn't hear him at first. A breeze picks up, ruffling his hair as he contemplates this difficult directive.  
  
"The first time I met you, you told me to quit," Changmin begins. "I know you thought I wasn't serious, that I'd just gotten in based on a bit of talent and a lot of luck. You didn't believe in luck, only hard work."  
  
Yunho's expression grows pained. "Changmin, I -" he starts, but Changmin holds up a hand.  
  
"Just let me finish. I'm not mad, because you were right. I'd auditioned on a whim, gotten in on a whim. I had no idea what I was doing or why I was there, I just thought it seemed like an exciting opportunity. A glamorous career path. And then I met you, and you were so focused and driven and knew exactly what you wanted and you saw right through me in an instant. It made me so mad, but mostly it made me determined to keep going."  
  
A ghost of a smile flickers across Yunho's face. Changmin has never told him this story, at least not like this.  
  
"At first I did it to prove you wrong. Then I did it to prove you right, to always meet your expectations of me. You were the reason I wanted it and the reason I kept going, but somewhere in between that I also realised how much I love doing this, because I got to do it with you. You became my inspiration, my motivation, my enemy and my mentor all rolled into one. There were times I hated you more than I loved you, but in the end I did all this for you, for you and nobody else. I don't know how to function as a performer without you anymore, so I'd say you're stuck with me whether you like it or not."  
  
A long silence follows his little speech. Changmin is too embarrassed to look at Yunho, so he stares out into the myriad of city lights until he feels a hand on the back of his head.  
  
"I didn't realise you look up to me so much," Yunho says quietly, wonderingly. Changmin gives him a small smile.  
  
"Well I did." The past tense is intentional. Changmin has had front row seats to Yunho's gradual mental breakdown over the last few months and it's made him realise something: it is no longer fair of him to expect Yunho to be his strength. The pedestal he has always put the other man on has no place in their existence as a duo. Yunho must have noticed his choice of words too, because he gives a tight little nod as if to say of course, as if after seeing the mess he's been it's only natural for Changmin to lose respect for him. Before he can make any more inferences with that brilliant but stupid head of his, Changmin speaks again.  
  
"I don't want to look up to you anymore. I want to look across at you, as an equal and a friend. I want you to be able to lean on me, so you're not always carrying the weight of the world on your own. I want you to let go of your control a little so that sometimes you can just sit back and relax and enjoy the ride too."  
  
Yunho looks at him with wide eyes, equal parts surprised and conflicted. "But I -" he starts, but Changmin cuts him off again. He leans closer and cups Yunho's cheek with one hand, thumb tracing the line of an old scar.  
  
"It's ok," Changmin says softly. "It's ok to let go sometimes. Let me share your responsibilities and I promise not to disappoint you. Trust me."  
  
"I do trust you," Yunho says without hesitation. "I'd trust you with my life."  
  
"Trust me with something you value more than your life. Trust me with your burdens."  
  
Yunho says nothing, lets his silence speak for him. After a while he shifts closer so he can throw the blanket around Changmin's shoulders too and Changmin knows that's as good as any acquiescence he's going to get in words. Their shoulders press together under the shared warmth and it's enough, for now, to drive the chill of the night away.  
  
  



End file.
